Spiritual Sexual Healing: Tantric Sex Triggers Orgasms Through Breath Control, Mind-Body Connection

The idea of having sex for hours on end with multiple orgasms sounds physically impossible — at least in the way some people look at sex. The Western concept of sex is like a storyline with a beginning (arousal), a middle (penetration), and an end (orgasm), but what if we began to see it without the big “O” as the main goal? Tantric sex, a 5,000-year-old ancient Eastern spiritual practice involving an emotional and energetic connection, may help us become more intimate and reach our own sexual nirvana.

Tantric Sex: Sexual Energy and Breathing

Singer-songwriter Sting, a well-known advocate of tantric sex, credits his fulfilling sex life to the ancient art. In 1990, Sting and Bob Geldof did an interview with a rock journalist, who asked how long they could go for. Geldof admitted he’s a three-minute man, while a drunken Sting said he could probably go for hours, boasting, “Well, haven’t you heard of tantric sex?”

Sting’s claims may come as a surprise, as Dr. Harry Fisch, a sexual health doctor and author of The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups, explains, 45 percent of men are finished within two minutes. Meanwhile, the average sex session lasts 7.3 minutes.

Tantric sex, then, may help us achieve so much more as sexual beings, without penetration. We have been conditioned by society to believe sex without penetration is "merely" foreplay and nothing more. However, penetration is not necessary for peak erotic pleasure or orgasm. "Orgasmic energies," the process of arousal that often culminates in orgasm, is a full-body experience achieved by keeping energy flowing through us smoothly and naturally.

Tantra distinguishes many different energy systems within us, known as chakras, which are energy centers in the body between the pelvis and the top of the head. It is through the expansion of the consciousness and the weaving of male (represented by the Hindu god, Shiva), and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess, Shakti), into a harmonious whole, that allows both partners to reach orgasm, without penetration.

"Most people think that orgasm, for both men and women, means a physical climax and/or ejaculation," Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes A Day and a teacher of tantric practices for over 15 years, told Medical Daily. "It's the more subtle neurological experience of pleasure that usually accompanies the physical release. We can learn to separate them, allowing both men and women to experience sustained orgasmic experiences, as well as multiple orgasms."

The reason why partners have fuller, multiple orgasms with tantric sex is because it delays the actual orgasm by focusing on everything else. It increases our awareness of our own energy and the energy around us. The path that tantra uses to these ends is the exploration of sexual energy.

As the energy flows throughout the body, our breathing is what keeps us relaxed and centered. This tunes the body into physical sensations and often emotional ones. However, “simply breathing” is not really enough, according to Daffner.

“To become tantric, the breath must be spread throughout the body. Although the actual breath enters at the nostrils, of course, the training is to “sense-feel” as if the breath is coming up from the earth and circulating the whole body,” she said.

The Benefits of 'Delaying The Orgasm'

In conventional sex, women tend to narrow their mental and physical focus to help them achieve an orgasm. Men tend to have a speedier pace than women in bed, reaching orgasm within seven to 14 minutes and 10 to 20 minutes, respectively. In comparison, in tantric sex, couples are encouraged to stay present with each other and focus on the journey rather than having an end goal, which helps them go at a slower pace. This is what helps sex last longer than the average 7.3 minutes.

“Even without tantric practices, slowing way down during erotic play can have this effect, and tantra adds the power of breath and intense partner sharing,” Carol Queen, a Staff Sexologist at Good Vibrations, and author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone, told Medical Daily.

For women, delaying the orgasm also enhances the intensity of it. Tantra can lead women to experience fuller orgasms through the tantric sexual ceremony known as the "Yoni Massage" — "yoni" being the Sanskrit word for vagina and "sacred space." Daffner, who hosts tantric workshops through Intimacy Retreats, has couples participate in this ceremony, so the woman is given a full hour of focused sensual and sexual attention. During this vaginal massage, women may experience female ejaculation known as "Amrita" in Sanskrit.

The purpose is to release negative emotions by clearing the pelvic basin and making sexual organs open and positive. Receivers will experience body shaking, shivering, and spasms, known as "Kundalini Awakening," to remove negative energies in the body while experiencing full body orgasmic waves that could last for 20 to 60 minutes, or longer.

Slowing down during sex is not only advantageous for women, though. It holds a lot of promise for men who suffer from premature ejaculation. Dr. Laura Berman, a sex educator and relationship therapist, suggests men contract their pubococcygeus (PC) muscles when they feel themselves getting close to orgasm.

"Tightening the PC muscles during sex keeps a man's arousal in check, taking him back from the brink of orgasm and allowing the sexual experience to continue. In fact, creating waves of near-orgasmic bliss leads to a more powerful orgasm for him and perhaps even multiple orgasms for you!" she wrote in an Everyday Health blog post.

This tantric technique gives couples ejaculatory control, so they can delay climax and increase the strength of their orgasms. It removes the pressure to perform and increases our awareness of our own energy and the energy surrounding us.

Why It Beats Out Vanilla Sex

Since tantric sex focuses on the benefits of prolonging the sexual experience for increased intimacy, it forces us to make time for it amid our fast-paced, modern lives.

Sex without the pressure to perform allows us to really immerse ourselves in the experience. It’s not only a physical practice, it involves an emotional and energetic connection. Tantric sex encourages us to embrace, honor, and allow ourselves to be in the moment, whether it’s through communication, energy exchange, or physical sex.

Couples are forced to really pay attention to each other in a way that takes away the conventional sexpectations (like orgasm) in the bedroom. It’s a focus on the self and the partner. Once we let go of stresses outside the bedroom, we remove the pressure and the judgment.

"The less judgmental we are, the more intimate we become with our partner, and it’s during our most intimate times that we discover more about ourselves as individuals," said Dr. Sandra LaMorgese, a sexpert, professional dominatrix, fetishist, and a holistic practitioner in mind, body, and spiritual holistic living in New York City, N.Y.

It seems in tantric sex, the true nirvana we reach is knowing more about our sexual selves.